Death to exes

So I have an ex. Who doesn't? Well the issue is, that every time I think that I have finally forgiven him for hurting me so badly, I realize no I still want him dead. I keep praying to God that I will forgive him. That I can be happy again. That I can find someone. That he, yes I even pray for the jerk, will find joy. Because if I don't then I will never be able to stop myself from hating him. I grew so much in that relationship, but I really don't know if I would have done it over again knowing the way it would turn out and how much it would hurt. It has been 6 months to the day since I broke his heart after he broke mine. It has been almost 12 months since we had decided to get married. I have not met anyone else. I have not been on a single date. Maybe I never will. But I just want to stop feeling the pain. I want to stop feeling alone. I am normally cheery. But today is not the day for that. I get to go pretend in 15 minutes for my students. But come on, who can be happy on a day like today.

Death to the exes, or at least to their memories. Please stop making me cringe.

Love, sniffle,
Jez