So I am exceptionally happy and extremely depressed all at the same time. In a little over 4 months almost all of my friends will be married. All of my best friends will have gone off and gotten hitched. This is what makes me so happy. I cannot even begin to express the joy I feel for my friends who are already married and those who are soon to be such. I am excited and willing to help with wedding preparations.
I am also happy because my new job starts in a couple of weeks. I will definitely miss relaxing and having to do nothing all day but what can you do. One needs to eat, right? I will be working at the state mental hospital. Hopefully I am the kind of person who will enjoy it. I think I am, but I will not know for sure until I actually start working for them.
So with all of this happiness going on, what could possibly be sending me into a spiral of depression and general witchiness? The simple, and yet entirely cliche, answer is that I really miss the feeling of being in a relationship. I miss the hugs, kisses, and cuddling for sure. But more than that I miss the support. I miss having that one person to talk to and share my thoughts with. That person who will listen even if what I am saying is meaningless. It hurts to see all of my friends with someone. I don't hate any of them for it. I don't resent that they have what I want. I don't even covet it. But it just reminds me of what I no longer have and what I would do anything to get. I am just so very tired from watching others find someone and being supportive when secretly I want to go cry in my room. Especially when every time I try I always get the friend card played. I am fine with gaining friends but it is really getting old. It is just so very hard to watch it and hold back my emotions. I guess the one benefit of it is that I can now control my emotions much better. I can also almost entirely support myself emotionally. I guess I need someone to grow with. I can feel things starting to stagnate and I know that the only thing that can jumpstart it again is a relationship. Sure this can come from a friend, but with most of my friends are otherwise involved, my pickings are slim.
Back to the Grind
14 years ago
2 comments:
I just want to reach through the computer and give you a GIANT hug!!
My sister-in-law worked at the State Hospital for a while as a secretary and loved it. I hope you do too. Good-luck and I hope you don't have to use any of your RAD techniques! >)
Well, thank you for the hug. I definitely hope I don't need to use my RAD techniques, but I am prepared to do so if I must.
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