What is death?

So I found out about a week and a half ago that my little sister has decided that when she moves out of my parents' house next year she wants nothing to do with the LDS church. I was and am very distraught by this news. But worse was yet to come.

You see I already have two family members that are, shall we say, less than enthusiastic about the church. My oldest brother stopped going to church when he was a teenager. My father believes in some aspects of the church but he does not believe in the actual organization of the church.

I found out the worst part of the situation today. I was at my parents' house and I asked her why she did not want anything to do with the church. She never gave me an answer but she did tell me that she is having her name removed from the records of the church. I almost broke down in tears right then. I managed to make it to my twin brother's room before I started crying. I asked him if he knew why. All he could tell me is that she did not agree with many of the doctrines of the church. He also told me that she does not understand the purpose for the atonement of Christ. She does not agree with the fact that someone else should suffer for her sins. She thinks that she should have to suffer.

I cry for her because she is so angry and unhappy. In the majority of cases when someone leaves the church they become an inactive member. They do not have their name removed from the records. It is as if they know that doing that will affect them, whether actually believe in the church or not. In the case of someone who has their name removed, they are generally very angry and unhappy. I would wish any but this.

I don't know what my sister believes anymore. She is no longer Christian. I don't even know if she believes in a God. For all I know she may be atheist.

I also found out that she does not love me and that she does not love anyone in my family. These are her words and not my extrapolations. I gave her a hug when I left and told her I loved her. She just looked at me. I asked her if she loved me too and all she did was continue to stare. Later she texted me telling me she does not love me and that she has never felt love for any member of our family. She told me that she felt it was wrong to feel love out of an obligation to a family member. To that I ask, is it wrong to someone out of an obligation to mankind? Is it wrong to love someone because they are a fellow person that needs to be cared for? I asked her what love meant to her and she could not tell me. She does not understand love because she has rejected the pure love of Christ.

I can no longer be associated with my little sister. She exudes a negative spirit that is crushing to be around. I cannot let it infect me as I have in the past. I love her so much and I will always pray for her. But I cannot be around her. I cannot be around someone who does not know how to love someone else. I cannot be around someone who claims to have never loved me. I cannot be around someone with the negativity she spreads.

She fell prey to something that many suffer from, including myself: The prideful thought that we must have proof. I was warned long ago that I could one day question myself out of believing that the church was true. That one day faith would no longer be enough for me. When I was younger I needed proof. I needed a perfect knowledge. Those days are no more. Sometimes I still wake up and ask myself why I believe, I tell myself it is because I have faith. Faith in the Lord, faith in Christ, faith in a 14 year old boy, and faith in the fact that God will never lead me astray. My little sister woke one morning and made the decision to no longer rely on faith.

I can truly empathize with Lehi after he saw the vision of the tree of life. He mourned for his lost sons. For Laman and Lemuel, because they willfully disregarded the knowledge and faith that they had to seek after other things. They willingly left the path to enter the great and spacious building. I cry for them. I cry for my sister.

My little sister died today. She made a willful decision to reject the truth that she knew. She could come back, but knowing my sister I know the chances are slim. I pray that one day she will return to the path.